The words we hear and see. The words we use. They are potent and have a significant impact on how we feel about ourselves but do we really pay attention to them? I'm not sure we do. Or if we do, we don't let on.
Let's go there, let's learn, together.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Sound familiar? We were fed that as kids like Corn Flakes for breakfast. And just like Corn Flakes, looking back, as well-meaning as it was, it wasn't necessarily the most nutritious advice.
Why The Focus On Language?
Over the past few weeks, we've explored Body Image and Shame. I hope you found a few helpful ideas and something to think about, to help you along your journey to feeling more confident.
I was going to talk about Self-Compassion next but after reflecting on the last few editions I have decided that can wait. Here's why.
1. The messaging we hear, see and consume, intentionally, unintentionally, even from those who love us and mean well, have a massive impact on the relationship we have with our bodies - our Body Image and Shame.
AND they often last a lifetime. They shape who we are and what we believe.
2. Recent conversations I've had with friends often involved (and rather unexpectedly), negative words when speaking about our appearance. This really surprised and shocked me because it came from women and men, I never thought would say such things about themselves. How many more have I not listened to and observed the words used when 'talking body'?
3. Love Actually. Yep, that Christmas go-to we watched as a family (again) the other night. Opened my heart, ears and eyes to the negative language used about Natalie.
How Words Impact Our Brains
Words do matter and at times, hurt more than sticks and stones do. The hurt can last a lifetime.
"Scientific studies actually show that positive and negative words not only affect us on a deep psychological level, but they have a significant impact on the outcome of our lives. In their neuroscience experiment, "Do Words Hurt?", Maria Richter and collaborating scientists monitored subjects' brain responses to auditory and imagined negative words." (BRM Institute)
They found that verbally spoken words that hurt, are processed by the pain matrix of the brain and 'specificity of the pain-relevance'. Furthermore:
"Negative words, whether spoken, heard, or thought, not only cause situational stress but also contribute to long-term anxiety. Exercising positive thoughts can quite literally change one's reality." (BRM Institute - link below).
"By holding a positive and optimistic [word] in your mind, you stimulate frontal lobe activity. This area includes specific language centers that connect directly to the motor cortex responsible for moving you into action. And as our research has shown, the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain." (Newburg, Waldman).
Bottom line? Words do hurt. We remember and when we do, we feel it just like physical pain.
The Conversations I've Heard
Over the past 14+ years of helping women find the right swimsuit, many, many, many conversations have included comments, words, and feelings about their bodies. Their body as a whole or body bits. "My flabby arms" (implying they don't like how they look or feel). "My huge bum" (implying that having a huge bum - which incidentally often wasn't, is regarded as unacceptable). The list goes on.
On a recent long weekend away with beautiful women I've known for years, one conversation went something like this. "I say swimwear and the first word that pops into your head is?...." The answer was "fat." followed by a smile and nervous giggle. I was gobsmacked.
Another conversation just the other day when out to lunch with friends. "I won't have that. I've put on 5kgs recently and am really watching what I eat, counting calories." At a beautiful restaurant, celebrating seeing each other after a long time, a chance to create a wonderful memory. I felt sad and became concerned. This was just one comment that came back to size and weight and how he felt about himself.
Watching Love Actually again for about the 8th time (it's an annual Christmas tradition) it seemed in some ways like I was watching it for the first time hearing the words used to describe Natalie, the PM's new love connection. "Nobody wants a girlfriend with thighs the size of tree trunks" (the reason her boyfriend gave for dumping her), and "the chubby girl" with her "sizeable arse and huge thighs". Natalie's father calls her "plumpy". The film is 20 years old and yes, one could argue that is just as we said things back then. But there is no denying those words would absolutely hurt and linger for life. It's absolutely not okay.
Watching Your Words
Last week we talked about Critical Awareness and how stepping back to appreciate the bigger picture - where messages are coming from and what motivates them. I'd like for us to collectively become more AWARE of the words we hear, see and use.
This week, let's put that into action, focusing on specific words.
Awareness is the important first step in creating the change we are seeking in ourselves. To feel more confident in our bodies, swimsuit and all.
What words do you use, your self-talk, when thinking about your body?
What words do you see and hear around you, in everyday conversations with friends when 'talking body'?
Get Conversation Ready
Let's open our eyes and ears to the conversations we have, we hear, we see around us. Being with family and friends, it could be the perfect time as we gather with those we haven't seen for a while and those more familiar.
Then just after, look out for the diet industry bombarding you with ads encouraging you to lose the excess weight you've gained. It will happen girls. You need to be ready for it. This time, with Critical Awareness!
Take Up The Words Matter Challenge
Words Matter Challenge: 5 Days over 5 Weeks. Between December (20th Dec 2023) and all of January 2024. Taking advantage of the conversations we'll have, hear and see over the Christmas break and beyond. The ads that will show up too.
Purpose: To bring awareness to the words that are used the most in our daily lives that 'talk body'. Because once we are Aware, we can Reflect and make the Change that we'd like to see and be.
Prize: The winner of the challenge will receive a copy of The Art Of Body Acceptance - Strengthen Your Relationship with Yourself Through Therapeutic Creative Exercises by Ashlee Bennett, AThR. A gorgeous book to help you connect and get to know your body better. The prize will go to the person who participates, lifts up and supports others in the challenge. It all goes towards making a difference for ourselves and others.
Week 1: Awareness - What You're Watching.
Week 2: Awareness - What You're Listening To.
Week 3: Reflect - words that stand out to you from week 1 and 2
Week 4: Reflect - words that you use when you're 'talking body' to others and to yourself.
Week 5: Bring It All Together - make your Word Cloud & share it. Use it to kick start the conversations you'd rather be having (changing the words and intention behind them).
How to Get Involved:
1. In The Summer Confidence Society:
Over on Kajabi (the new software platform we use for our Community, Course and Membership), I've set up the Words Matter Challenge.
Here's the link to it: communities.kajabi.com/summerconfidencesociety/challenges]
A way for you to be critically aware of the words that surround you, the words you speak to yourself and others when 'talking body'. There is a Circle for you to have conversations amongst yourselves too. That's why I like this app.
It's easy to be a part of and I promise, it will be an eye (and ears) opener. I'd love for you to join me in doing it AND then talking about it in our Community. If you are a Gold or Platinum Member of The Summer Confidence Society (our new Community) then you will have immediate access. Use the Community App to take part in the Challenge. Go directly to the app store and search "Kajabi Communities". It's a blue-coloured app. After you download the app, enter the email address associated with your Kajabi account.
Not a member? That's an easy fix. To gain access to the Challenge, simply join the Community first (you only have to do it once and it's really easy) and download the Community app (see note above) to be a part of the challenge.
We are still finding our way using Community and Circles in Kajabi land. Just like you are :) Please email me at if you have any questions or issues with using it. Thanks.
2. In the private Facebook Group - Women 40+ Self Love, Body Love, Summer Confidence. We will post the prompts in there for you each week.
I look forward to seeing your word clouds!
Next Blog
Disembodiment is our topic. How we disconnect with our body and how to re-connect again.
Where To From Here?
Create connections with others. Continue the conversation talking about Body Image and Shame in our private Facebook group Women 40+ Self Love, Body Love, Summer Confidence.
Take care. Be kind to you and each other. Stay connected.
Anita xx
Founder - Sequins and Sand + Midlife Unfiltered - The Season of Me podcast
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